Contact

Written by Zelda

 

Author’s note: This story features Silver and Zelda on a summer night in the Territory’s leaders’ Den. The italic strings are Silver’s direct thoughts, not speech or telepathy. Just a rather fluffy one-shot with  no particular placement in continuity. Enjoy all!

 

 

                The first thing that I’m aware of, as I awaken, is that my chest is aching. It’s something deep, knotted in the muscle beneath my broad sternum. Something nearly crushing. I am, unfortunately, quite familiar with this feeling. With a short ruffle of feathers, I roll onto my stomach and glance at my denmates. Diamond and Northstar are both soundly asleep, nestled against the walls of their cool stone cubbies. Zelda is asleep too, but she is nestled only in herself. In the very reduced light of the cave (there is almost no moon tonight to help me) I can see little. But what I feel is enough to drive me to my feet, slow and careful not to wake my comrades. She is trembling, her scales scuffing dryly against the stone. No… shaking violently is more apropos. My vision gets better as I hop to the floor and shuffle closer. She doesn’t hear the drag of my feathers or the click of my claws against the dewy stone. And as my vision clears, my head does too, shaking off the remnants of sleep to feel her properly. A nightmare? Likely… she’s been having more and more of those lately. I don’t want to frighten her if I wake her up…

 

                Frighten her…. hmm. I have to stop for a moment and think about that, despite the tightening pain in my chest, despite the ringing spark in my mind that draws me instinctively to her aid. The others don’t think about things like that much. Then again, it is my job. I am the clan’s Thinker. They don’t dwell long on the fact that we frighten her out of nightmares these days. That never used to happen, before she left us, before she ventured out into the human world beyond the borders of the Territory. We were her strength, her safety. Around us, she slept like a stone. Always at ease, always pensive and watchful. She was free to do her own leadership duties. Now, things are different because she is gone. She returns to us wounded and with her head clouded by doubt. She comes back to us in desperation, needing this land, and needing us, to heal her. Nightmares drive her out of any good sleep. And when we try to wake her, she snaps back to in a flash of panic. She stares up into the eyes of her own clan and sees nothing… I cannot imagine living with what she now endures.

 

                And with a thought like that in my head, the crushing in my chest tightens somewhat, a twisting squeeze. It draws me up in a hefting hop, up to the rim of her own little cubby. It draws my wings over her, blocking what little light was left that I could see her by. But I don’t need that anymore. I am the clan’s Thinker, contact is enough. My feathers touch her scales and my mind is invaded with her unrest, as if her nightmare crept into me like a fog. Although I can’t see what images run through her head, the horror in her is evident. And I cannot pull back, it does nothing but draw me in closer, the net of psyche by which we are all tied together. I am amazed that the others have not awoken yet---

 

                Cold—my stars, the poor girl is freezing…

 

                How on earth did she get to this state? Is that why her shaking is so bad? Is it partially shivering? Diamond would know better than I, but I don’t want to wake her. I want to wake Zelda first, but I’ve been through this before. It hurts us both terribly to have her wake up in one of those frightened fits, I need to do this right. It’s not easy, my thoughts and my instinct often conflict in times like these. She’s so cold, a great deal of me wants to gather her up and squeeze her to me. But I can’t… it’s a very helpless feeling. I have to do this slowly, I have to do this right. So slowly, gently, my feathers creep over her. She’s twitching with the touch, she doesn’t recognize that it’s me. I’m rather glad that the light is so dim, I don’t want to see her face now. It would make me feel even more helpless. But it’s tucked deep under her shoulder anyway, light or no.

                Shhh Zelda, it’s only me… for stars’ sake, don’t look so scared… stop shaking so badly…

My heart bleeds for the dragon in times like these. None of us understand what plagues her so severely, because she never lets us in. Her allies outside of the Territory have little idea about this, if any. She won’t let them in either. I don’t know why she feels she has to deal with this herself. It’s not her place, she’s not able to do it on her own. There’s that helpless feeling welling up again.

                That’s it, easy girl. It’s just me, just my fingers along your back here. No no, don’t flinch away, nobody’s trying to grab you or tie you down, it’s just me.

                I can’t speak to her now. I’m sure words would reach her, but it’s the middle of the night. As long as she doesn’t start whimpering like she sometimes does, we’ll be alright. Something in me doesn’t want to wake the others, not yet at least. I don’t want to frighten her. And slowly, it seems to be working. She doesn’t know it’s me yet, but she’s accepting me. Her flinching lessens, I’m slowly braving my feathers more broadly across her back. Good girl, that’s it… I lean a little closer and let out a low breath, it seems to help her relax a little. She’s still shaking though, and she’s so cold… Gently, slowly, I allow myself to inch closer, slowly settling down next to her. I’m silently hoping that the contact will bring her around. Anything to get her to stop shaking so badly. Now is the tricky part… I’ve got to get a wing under her somehow, she needs a proper hug. I’ll just roll her a little… backwards enough to get a wing under her partway, and then forwards towards me again. Ow—ow—the feeling in my head tightens to needle pricks as I push her away from me. She rolls onto her back looking like a creature that’s long been the victim of rigor mortis. Her limbs pull back to her stomach, her head curled protectively down.

                I’m sorry Zel, I’m NOT pushing you away, I swear I’m not. Here, see? Come back Zel, it’s just me, I’m here…

I roll her back, my finger-feathers curling up from beneath her, and finally get her into that big broad hug that I wanted to pull her into from the onset. Her shaking is bad enough to knock us both out of the cubby, but only at first. She’s calming quickly now, as the cold and the pain seep slowly out of her, slowly into me.

                It’s okay Zelda. I know you can sense it, or you will shortly enough. You’ll wake up soon, as soon as you realize that I’m here, that I’m hurting too--- that you’re causing that pain. I’m sorry girl… I do what I can… this is the only way I know how. Please let it work… don’t worry about me. It’s okay.

It is okay. My heart sinks as I realize that this is the only real contact I get with my nestmate anymore. The only thing I feel from her anymore is pain, fear, doubt, hurt… and loneliness. She tries so hard to connect to her allies. But she knows she can’t, not like she can bond to us. She’ll always come back home for this: for someplace to unload, some chance at healing. I pray to the ancestors to have the ability to give her some semblance of comfort in the midst of what she’s undertaken. All of the leaders understand how important such a thing is. If she were to fall into darkness, away from the clan or no, it would be the death of all of us… Such a thing is not a pleasant thought at all. With her own fear crowding my mind, I cannot let this add to it now---

                No no, it isn’t bad Zel. Stay asleep for just a while longer, I have to wake you up slowly, remember?

Her shaking is subsiding slowly, her body is warming amidst my feathers. I do think that she’s recognized me, perhaps not me as in myself, but at least she knows that I’m not an enemy. She’s pressing to me now, seeking warmth and contact, her head wedging into my chest. If not me, who does she think I really am? At this point, does she care? I am a Thinker, after all, little questions like these always seem to tug at the corners of my mind. But it won’t distract me from my main purpose now. She is slowly starting to rise to consciousness. Her trembling is finally calming, her muscles aren’t so knotted anymore. It’s a process with her, something that is sadly becoming more and more predictable as time goes on, and this keeps happening. She is almost awake. There is one signal that I have to wait for, one final sign…

 

                It comes to me, finally, as a warm, wet feeling that slowly mats itself into my feathers. The poor girl is crying. The nightmare has broken, she’s surfaced again, floundering with the painful fragments. Her body hitches and I feel my chest twist in response. This process breaks my heart, but it’s ten times harder on her. I do not possess her strength of spirit, but then again, she is Guardian and I am not. I do not have it because I have her instead.

                Stars forbid that you ever have to do this for me girl…

Her throat cracks, the noise dull and raw in the silence around us.

                No no, stop crying my dear… It’s alright, you’re awake now. We’re here, I’m here. Let it go, Zelda… Whatever it was you saw, you need to let it settle into its proper place. Don’t let it control so much of you. This fear spreads like a fungus in your heart. It has to stop before its damage is permanent. You have to let it go.

                A dry sob lets me know that now is not the time to reason with her. My mistake… I am often a little too direct with her and Diamond. I tighten my hold around her, feel how slack and tired her muscles are. Emotion spent, she’s spilling out her pent-up aftermath into the cave around us. She’s simply too exhausted to deal with it at the moment. This was what I was hoping for. Just to have her go back to sleep, to get some rest. I may not be Diamond, but I know the basics of what she needs to heal. Sleep is the primary one. I will stay with her, I will stave off her nightmares for as long as I can. She’s latched onto me like a welcome leech, she’s anchoring herself to me by letting me do this. Good, that’s what I wanted.

                Back to sleep Zel. You need to get your rest. Go back to sleep.

A tall order for someone who’s just come out of a nightmare, but she’s done this before. She doesn’t have much of a choice. Though she isn’t openly bleeding or broken, her body is pleading for rest.

                You’ll have it with us, Guardian. That’s what we’re here for. Stop thinking so much Zelda. That’s my job, remember? Let it go, even if it’s just for tonight. Put it aside for a while. This hurt runs too deeply in you. You have to rest for tonight.

She needs to know that I would take this for her, I would shoulder this weight and let my mind try to process it all for her. If only I could wedge myself inside of her head, if only I could see what she’s been keeping from us… Perhaps I could help her somehow. But she won’t let me, and although I do not understand why, I respect her decision. She has, no doubt, seen things outside of the forest that she doesn’t want us to see. So cold, even with the summer night around us… But she’s warming quickly. Her breathing is steadying out, the pain slackening off. She’s finally falling back to sleep, sinking back beneath the clouded waters of her consciousness. I pull her a little closer, and make sure we’re both comfortable enough, curled in the small space. I promised her I’d keep watch for her tonight, there will be no sleep for me until sunrise in a handful of hours. That’s quite alright though. Diamond and Northstar will sleep, and Zelda will sleep as well. I am not the one who needs it tonight. The Thinker has some contact to make.

 

 

 

 

The End

 

The Territory, and all associated characters are copyright by and property of Zelda. This story may not be printed, copied, or archived without her consent.